Slipping away
Thank you to those of you who shared what you would like to see on this blog in the coming year. I appreciate your ideas and your openness in sharing what’s challenging for you. One of you shared some concerns and challenges in parenting your teen—concerns that I’m sure many parents of teens struggle with—how to respond to your teen when it appears that they are “slipping away”—not responding to yelling, counseling, conversations, etc. This can be frustrating and painful as parents—to wonder how your teen is going to emerge from the stressful years of adolescence.
Following are several ideas that I want to encourage those of you who are trying to connect to your teen to put in place. And remember, even if you aren’t seeing the kind of change you are hoping for right away, be patient with the process. I am convinced that this is one of the character lessons we learn through parenting.
- On their terms: Engage your teen on their terms for an hour or two a week. This may in fact be the most challenging time for parents—to put aside your agenda, your “need to talk to you about this” list and your desires to persuade your teen in a certain direction—and just be with your teen. This might mean playing video games, perusing the mall, eating dinner while discussing the latest clothing styles at school, etc.
- Know their environment: Is there a way you can better understand and get to know your teen’s friends or primary environment (usually school)? Attending school events, opening up your home to your teen’s friends (brace yourself!), or even offering transportation to your teen and friends to evening and weekend events can add to your understanding of your teen and help you connect with them in a different type of way.
- What’s in it for me? As much as we’d like it to be different, teens are developmentally egocentric. Meaning—they think about themselves most, if not all, of the time (you probably don’t need this reminder!). When setting rules and boundaries, attempt to see the issue from your teen’s perspective. Why would it be of value to them to keep curfew if they don’t care if you are mad at them? What motivates your teen and how are you using this understanding to help them learn healthy behavior? Reminding your teen what’s in it for them is really about meeting them at their developmental level.
I would be interested in hearing how these ideas help you feel more connected to your teen—or what other ideas have worked for you!
For more information on behavioral health issues, or to seek assistance, go to www.pinerest.org.
