When is the last time you have felt worried? When you sent your child off to their first sleepover? When your teen took the car out for the first time last week when it was raining? When you think about your work week and the presentation coming up? When you contemplate the failing health of your parent? Worry is a pretty common emotion for all of us. It is part of the full range of emotions that experience because we are human. But, for some, worry has gone beyond what is considered to be the norm when it comes to emotional health.

An anxiety disorder, or a problem with anxiety that would benefit from additional support and care, is chronic anxiety that persists when you focus on two or more stressful life circumstances. Sometimes, because of these circumstances, anxiety will hang around for a while and then return to what feels more familiar to you. Other times, it just doesn’t go away. Anxiety disorders can develop at any age and can be aggravated by life events. Anxiety is often associated with certain fears: fears of losing control, failure, rejection, or even fears of illness or death.

If you are experiencing at least three of the following six symptoms, it might be time to recognize the effects anxiety is having on you and your relationships, and get the support you need to feel better.

Do you experience:

• Being easily fatigued
• Difficulty concentrating on a task or at work
• Irritability beyond what is considered normal for you
• Muscle tension (this could be in your jaw, shoulders, back, neck)
• Difficulties with sleep (falling asleep or staying asleep)
• Feeling restless

One of the first steps towards getting health is to own the truth of what is going on for you…I challenge you to be honest with yourself today and do just that. And next time, I’ll share some specific strategies for responding to your worry and anxiety. Feel free to comment with questions!

For additional information on behavioral health issues, or to seek assistance, go to http://www.pinerest.org/.

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I know that most of us are not ready to hear the phase “Back to School” quite yet. There is still beach weather to enjoy, maybe even a last vacation to take before the routine and early mornings begin again. For some families on balanced school calendars, your week is now here. For others, there are several last weeks of summer to savor.

Recently, I had someone ask me what I see as a common misperception about heading back to school and making the family adjustments that come with this change. I want to pass along to you something that I see often that can be challenging for parents and children and will probably come up for many of you as school begins again.

Because our children are dependent on us, parents play a huge role in getting children prepared for school—the supply shopping, the filling out of numerous forms, the clarification and enforcement of bed times and wakeups, the transport to and from the increasing amount of sports practices and social activities, and more. All of this is to be expected and very much needed—however, one area that I see parents taking too much responsibility for is their children’s emotions. When our children are anxious, sad, frustrated, worried, or angry, it might feel instinctual to try and take these emotions away from our children. Sometimes we might even take on their emotions and realize how much our mood shifts with our children’s.

Although it may be difficult, I want to challenge you toward being in relationship with your child through hard emotions and transitions, rather than trying to take away the difficult things they feel or face. Building relationship with your child through challenges and adjustments looks like spending quality time together, asking questions like “what else are you experiencing?” or “what does that feel like?” and holding back tendencies to solve problems or reassure them that everything will be okay. Offer to help brainstorm ideas or solutions rather than offering a pat answer. Building relationship in this way helps them build security and trust in you and also helps them learn to problem solve and trust themselves.

For more information on behavioral health issues or to seek assistance, go to http://www.pinerest.org

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The end of the school year is fast approaching! In my household, I have one child wrapping up preschool this week and another finishing kindergarten next week. And then…3 kids at home…all day…for the whole summer. This lays a pretty ripe foundation for a whole lot of sibling competition and arguing, not a lot of structure, and a house that is always a mess of sand, dirt, and paper creations. For me, being a Type A–I like structure–I don’t like mess type of person, just the anticipation of this has been enough for me to feel the anxiety creep in these last couple of weeks.

At home, my husband and I are trying to come up with some age appropriate systems for getting household responsibilities done each day, for keeping the house somewhat kept together, and to give incentives for positive sibling interaction, not to mention add some semblance of structure to the day to keep us all sane. And a bonus would be to curb the “I’m hungry I need a snack” comments that I hear almost every hour from my four and a half year old, which usually equals “I’m not hungry” at suppertime! I’ve had conversations with friends, have read some idea books, and have checked out blogs on these topics and have found that there is a wealth of information out there when it comes to summer survival!

Our culture certainly reinforces this notion that we have to figure it out all on our own—individualism is viewed as a strength. Our neighbors, who just returned from 5 months in Ghana, have helped me understand in describing their experiences, that other cultures view parenthood and child rearing as a communal activity—which decreases the “I’m so alone in all of these struggles” mentality that often invades our thinking when challenges arise.

So, I’m looking for best practices that you have found to be successful in your family. Or maybe you’ve found out through experimentation what doesn’t work—I’d like to know that too! Instead of reinventing the wheel let’s draw some ideas from each other because we’re all in this together!

For more information on behavioral health issues or to seek assistance, go to http://www.pinerest.org

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Ugh. Have you ever felt a pit deep inside of your stomach as you’ve thought about having a difficult conversation? Thinking about asking your boss for a raise but know how she gets irritated easily? Wanting to talk with your child’s teacher about concerns over how your child has been treated in class? Knowing that things are not the same between you and your best friend and you probably need to talk about that elephant in the room? Enter nausea, right? Mustering up the courage to have these types of conversations is really tough. And feeling confident about how to have them can be even harder. Sometimes it’s easier to think about avoiding the person, place, or thing for a while, hoping it all blows over. But you know it probably won’t.

Here’s a simple little rule that I use and recommend when thinking about whether to avoid or confront a difficult issue. A while back, one of my friends introduced me to her “three day rule” for friendships. In a friendship, if something in a friendship or important relationship is bothering her or nagging at her for more than three days, she knows it needs to be addressed. I think that in a marriage, a “24 hour rule” is a healthy barometer of letting something go or addressing it with your spouse. After you decide if the issue or concern is something you can truly let go of (or not), then it is time to figure out how to have the conversation.

Often, when we have a tough talk with someone, we want to prove something, we want to send a very clear message. This backfires when the person we are talking with feels attacked and gets defensive. The conversation often ends with both people feeling misunderstood and frustrated, even angry. The key to approaching a hard conversation in a way that sets it up for success is to invite the other person in to the conversation with us—to move away from blame. Sharing your point of view and feelings is important and so is understanding that how we view the problem could change if we truly seek to understand the other’s point of view. Realizing that each person brings different realities and understandings of the same event to the conversation can help in figuring out solutions together.

In coming blogs, I’ll talk more about the elements of having that tough talk. In the meantime, think about the challenging conversations that you’ve had or think you might need to have. What has worked? What hasn’t worked? What are questions you have when thinking about how to bring up something difficult with someone in your life?

For more details on this, check out this book.

And, for more information on behavioral health issues, or to seek assistance, go to www.pinerest.org.

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I want to take a moment to wish those of you who have been faithful blog readers a Merry Christmas. I have thoroughly enjoyed being part of the Maranda blogging team this year and have appreciated your thoughts, encouragement and feedback as well! I continue to welcome your ideas and sharing of your personal experiences as we enter into a New Year…

This time of year there are so many moments to take advantage of and memories to create, not to mention multiple parties, people, and treats to enjoy! Along with all of these good things, the holidays can also be a time of experiencing heightened anxiety. I want to pass along some tips that you can practice as you encounter some of the anxiety that tends to creep into the delight of this season.

1. Be aware of how anxiety shows up in you. Your signs of anxiety might be physical (heart beating fast, face getting flushed), emotional (getting weepy or irritable), or cognitive (having thoughts such as “I can’t do this anymore!” or “Get me out of here!”). Knowing how anxiety shows up in you can help you understand how you can take care of yourself.
2. When you feel anxious, accept the anxiety. This might sound strange, but when you recognize and accept the anxiety instead of becoming resistant to it, it will likely begin to decrease.
3. Don’t judge your anxiety. Just because you feel anxious does not mean you are a “bad person” or that you are “weak.” Anxiety is something you experience, it is not who you are.
4. Breathe normally and slowly. If possible, separate yourself from the situation that you are in for a couple of minutes. Slow down. Tell yourself that anxiety is a normal part of the human experience and that you will be able to function with it. Surprise yourself with how you handle these moments…

For more information on behavioral health issues or to seek assistance, go to www.pinerest.org.

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Halloween is a fun and exciting time for kids, but it can also be a frightening time when kids don’t understand what’s going on around them.  Here are some suggestions from Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services on ways you can handle your children’s fears and anxieties during this spooky season.

• The most important thing a parent can do to help their child overcome fear, is to respect what their child is feeling.  Listen to your child and reassure them that they are safe.
• Normalize your child’s fears, then teach them how to handle them.
  Feel – “Wow, you really feel frightened of those kids in costumes.”
  Felt – “I felt that way, too, when I was your age.”
  Found – “I found that it was less scary when I…”  Offer your kids some suggestions, and ask  if they think that strategy might work for them.  If they say no, ask them what they think might work better.  This way, you have them focusing on a strategy to cope.

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