“Don’t be scared, just jump in!” said the swimming instructor to my 6 year old daughter, who nervously wrung her hands, her lip quivering. Hmmm…these words haven’t quite accomplished the magic that her teacher has hoped for this past week. The last week has been full of early morning lessons, lots of tears (my daughter’s that is), and lots of hugs. It’s been a different kind of week around my house, to say the least.
Some types of personalities don’t tend toward taking risks, or just “jumping into the pool”. You probably know if this is you. You like to play it safe, even down to ordering the same tasty entrée off the menu at your favorite restaurant each time you go. There is some genetic contribution to this –so thank your mom and dad! But, if you are wanting to open yourself up to taking some risks, be encouraged to know that there are some aspects of this that are within your control. Often we create our own barriers to risk taking—letting certain fears or “what if’s” crowd out our desires and goals. We might hold on to our need for security and predictability or hold the belief that change is impossible, when the truth is that change just requires some openness to the unknown and a willingness to stumble along the way.
Each week we have great organizations who join us at our Park Parties. Some of those who came out to Kalamazoo include the Kalamazoo Nature Center, Van Andel Institute and Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services.
I was perusing the magazine area of Barnes and Noble the other day, which I consider to be quite a treat. On a hot summer afternoon, I can think of few things that are as relaxing for me as some down time at a bookstore, drinking iced coffee, with no particular agenda in mind. While I was there, I picked up the most recent issue of Psychology Today, which included an article on developing a happy and healthy family. The article listed several suggestions that, when present, can lead to greater family satisfaction, where each member feels a sense of security and significance within the family.
Some of these suggestions are ones we’ve all heard before, but still get at the heart of what builds family bonds and togetherness. Some ideas included sharing family meals, which provide opportunity for conversation and even problem solving together. Another suggestion was building rituals and routines together, including simple rituals such as having pancakes on Saturday mornings, or always singing the same song to your little ones before bed. Also emphasized was having fun and laughing together.
The next Park Party of the summer takes place at Kollen Park in Holland on July 15th! This party is often one of our largest and we’re looking forward to a great turn out and a great time! The forecast shows hot and humid so be sure to bring a water bottle for everyone in the family and a lot of sunscreen! There’s also a slight chance of rain but remember our Park Parties go on rain or shine. Free lunches will be served starting at 11:30 a.m. for anyone 18 or younger. Then, Park Party action takes place from noon – 2 p.m. We have a full stage of wonderful local kid entertainment. We also have great Produce for Kids from Meijer, the Fifth Third Super Slide, Pine Rest Ropes Course, Ferris State University Climbing Wall and more! Priority Health will have FREE backpacks for the kids! My friends from the Holland Aquatic Center will be at this party with special fun for kids too!! Hope to see you and your family Thursday at Kollen Park!
Maranda’s Park Parties are in full swing for the summer! It is so awesome to experience our local communities working together to provide a great time for kids and families. I think that this is such a wonderful illustration of the power of community—how working together with others can be satisfying and enriching, and make such a positive impact.
One of the activities at some of the parties this year is the Pine Rest ropes course—children are getting harnessed, climbing, relying on the support of the person holding the ropes, putting their strength and confidence to good use as they climb. I’ve observed many children and teens, even adults, take part in ropes and climbing courses over my years of being involved in team building activities. I am consistently amazed at how people thrive and complete the task ahead of them with the support of others around them. These activities, although they seem to be focused on fun, can actually be affirming to a person’s sense of self esteem and trust in others.
Where do your thoughts and feelings lead when you think of your own sense of self esteem and your ability to trust others? Do you take some risks and open yourself up to being open with and supported by others? Research shows that when people experience depression, anxiety, and stress, an important factor in recovery is an active support system.
We’re busy planning, packing and preparing for the third Park Party of the summer! On Thursday, July 8th we’ll be heading to the Barry Expo Center on M-37 between Middleville and Hastings. Free lunches for kids 18 and under will be available starting at 11:30 and all our activities and entertainment will go from noon – 2 p.m. I’m excited for this event because we’ve never held a Park Party in this community before. Of course we’ll have all the free items like the Priority Health backpacks, the Country Fresh Ice Cream, the Meijer treats and more. Plus, great activities like the Pine Rest Ropes Course, the Fifth Third Super Slide and the Ferris State University Climbing Wall. We’ll also have some extra special surprises for kids! I hope to see you and your family this Thursday at the Barry Expo Center!
Two tips that I discovered a while back have really been helpful for me in my own relationships and in my work with individuals and families. Since we’ve started this conversation about communication, it’s timely for me to pass these tips along to you!
Some of the latest information by a leading researcher on relationships suggests that there are two factors that influence the success of conversations in relationships. His research focused on marriages, but these concepts are ones you can also keep in mind when you are communicating with family members and friends. This is how change and growth can happen in your relationships, starting with you.
1. Soft start up- How do you bring up a concern, a feeling, or a question to others? Do you blindside them with anger? Do you get so frustrated that it leaks out of you at the worst times? Are you sarcastic or critical? If so, a soft start up is something you might want to consider. A soft start up simply means that you bring your requests, needs, desires, and concerns to others in a way that is not full of criticism and blaming, but of respectfulness and honesty. Think—calm, cool, collected.
2. Allow yourself to be influenced- If we were honest with ourselves, I think most of us would admit that we want to be right most of the time. It’s tough to recognize that we each have a lot to learn, and there are times when we develop an opinion or reach a conclusion without having the full story. To allow yourself to be influenced means to work on our tendency to be defensive in our conversations, to recognize we each have our ‘blind spots.’ This also means that there could be something we could learn from another person’s perspective on the situation—a perspective that might even have the potential to change our own. Try it sometime!
It’s my hope that these tips will be helpful to you—I’d love to hear your thoughts and efforts with them!
For more information on behavioral health issues, or to seek assistance, go to www.pinerest.org
I saw a client a while back who came to see me because she felt constantly misunderstood—by her partner, her children, her boss. She felt frustrated, sad, and even angry about this. It was really affecting her life and she was wondering how she could change some of these relationships.
We worked together to recognize how she could begin making some of these changes. I want to pass along where we started together, what I consider to be one of the keys in making any changes that involve relationships (which are most changes!). It can be a very difficult concept to integrate into your life, even though the idea is very simple., but once you do, it can bring a sense of freedom to your relationships. Before we have a conversation about communication, I think it’s important to share…
The key is: You are only responsible for…YOU.
That’s it. Easy, right? Simple to take this and run with it? Well, it doesn’t always work out that way, at least from my experience.
The other day, I received a “wrong number” text message on my phone. Have any of you ever gotten one of these? This is the first time I have. This one read:
“U don’t deserve ur beautiful room.
I refuse to clean it.
No more money handed over to u unless things change this summer.”
Whoa! After a couple seconds of wondering if this was meant for me, realizing there was no way this was the case, and then feeling slightly embarrassed for the sender, I texted back “wrong number” and received an immediate “sorry.”
I am assuming that this text was sent from a parent to their teenage child. I can only imagine the conversations (or conflict) that surrounded this message. In a way, I was let in to the realities of this relationship that are probably not otherwise shared, even in my therapy office. This was a real interaction.
“Don’t be scared, just jump in!” said the swimming instructor to my 6 year old daughter, who nervously wrung her hands, her lip quivering. Hmmm…these words haven’t quite accomplished the magic that her teacher has hoped for this past week. The last week has been full of early morning lessons, lots of tears (my daughter’s that is), and lots of hugs. It’s been a different kind of week around my house, to say the least.
