Facebook & your teen

Posted Apr 11th 2011 12:00 PM by Kristin Kuiper for Pine Rest
Filed under: Healing Moments, Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services
Tags: facebook, Parenting, personal growth, Technology, Teenage Depression, Teenagers

If you’re reading this, chances are pretty good that you were made aware of this blog by Facebook. It’s become standard language to most—“I saw that on Facebook.”, or “Her status said her surgery went well”, even “They had their baby–I saw the pictures on Facebook”.

I’ve worked with clients who’ve friend requested me (which I don’t accept, just because of the nature of my relationship with them), who have had affairs that began on Facebook, who have been bullied on Facebook, even those who have decided to deactivate their accounts because of problems they’ve encountered on Facebook. It’s really becoming quite a fascinating part of our culture today.

I came across an article lately that discusses the potential challenges that Facebook brings to teens who might already be struggling with self esteem and peer acceptance. The American Academy of Pediatrics has concluded that certain aspects of Facebook can make it difficult for teens who struggle with feeling like they don’t measure up to others. Teens may feel like they don’t have as many “friends” as other peers on the social networking site, or might obsessively check status updates of others who appear to be having more lively and engaging experiences than they are. These types of things can breed symptoms of depression for teens who already tend towards this disorder. As the article mentions, Facebook can feel like one big popularity contest.

So, for concerned parents out there who are wondering how to determine if this might be a concern for your teen, here are some recommendations:

Recognize the positive functions and benefits to Facebook such as connecting with family and friends, sharing pictures and ideas, and fostering positive communication with others. Facebook is a teen’s social reality. Facebook is not bad in and of itself, but it’s usage can go too far.
Talk with your teen about their use of Facebook and how they view the benefits and challenges of it. Opening the door to this kind of dialogue displays that you are not naïve in realizing the presence of online bullying, harassment, etc.
Role model healthy behaviors regarding social networking. Adults are not immune to these struggles. Sharing some of your challenges or how you have decided to set particular limits can encourage your teen in the right direction.

Have you, personally or in parenting, confronted specific challenges with social networking, similar to those I’ve mentioned? How do you set effective limits for yourself? What efforts are you making in helping your children set healthy boundaries with Facebook?

Check out this article for some additional challenges that might come up for you in your social networking habits.

For additional information on behavioral health issues, or to seek assistance, go to www.pinerest.org.

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Blueze12

I have three kids that love Facebook. I'm friends with all of them and they are pretty good on-line but I must say that I am often startled at the pictures and comments many kids post. My guess is their parents have no idea what these kids are putting out there. My biggest concern is what future employers and colleges will think when they see some of this stuff! Seems like everyone talks about all this but there are very few things we can really do to control it.
Kristin Kuiper

Maranda, thanks for your feedback! Of course, the challenges you bring up are difficult for any parent of teenagers. I encourage parents that if they come to understand that other teens are involved in behavior that is illegal or puts or others at a severe safety risk, it is important to disclose this information to adults in the teen's life that can help them be safe (likely parents).This can be a difficult parenting moment, as you might feel that you are compromising loyalty or trust with your teen due to basic safety needs of another child. It is important to discuss the need to disclose this information with your teen--explaining why it is necessary and also ensuring that you will pursue it with as much confidentiality that is possible.

I think that there is a difference between this type of behavior and what we think of as more questionable behavior. In these instances, there is a lot of gray area--each option has its own pros and cons. I think of these instances as prime parenting opportunities for dialogue with your teen--what do they think of what they are seeing? Is this something that they have been around in person? How do they view their options of responding to the choices their friends make? Windows for dialogue and coaching your teen along the lines of your beliefs and values are opportunities here. In this way, you can also better understand how they think, how they operate around their peers, and what pressures they face.

Do other parents out there, who have been in these types of situations with their teens, have experiences or recommendations you would like to share? I think that sharing our own experiences and wisdom gained with each other can be both encouraging and helpful!
Marandatv

Kristin you touch on a topic that I'm sure many parents are dealing with when it comes to their teenagers. Social networking is a huge part of many teenagers lives I love your advise that reminds us parents to monitor our own on-line behavior. In your opinion, what should a parent do if a teen shows the parent images of friends involved in risky behavior. Should the parent contact the other parent or try to talk with the teen involved or coach our child on having a discussion with the other teen? What are your thoughts on this.

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Kristin Kuiper, MSW LMSW

I am clinical social worker with Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services. I work with individuals, couples and families at the Caledonia Clinic and I also see students at Davenport University. I graduated from Calvin College, where I now teach as an adjunct instructor, and completed my graduate work at Michigan State University (go Spartans!). As a therapist, I work with a wide range of people and issues, which I find both energizing and challenging. Being a therapist is one of my passions, but not my only. On the home front, I have been married for ten years to an amazing man and have three young energetic children. To seek balance and have some fun, I also enjoy running, having coffee with friends, reading, frequenting local restaurants, and living in my Eastown neighborhood. My blog entries will reflect my various roles, experiences, and interests.