Two tips
Two tips that I discovered a while back have really been helpful for me in my own relationships and in my work with individuals and families. Since we’ve started this conversation about communication, it’s timely for me to pass these tips along to you!
Some of the latest information by a leading researcher on relationships suggests that there are two factors that influence the success of conversations in relationships. His research focused on marriages, but these concepts are ones you can also keep in mind when you are communicating with family members and friends. This is how change and growth can happen in your relationships, starting with you.
1. Soft start up- How do you bring up a concern, a feeling, or a question to others? Do you blindside them with anger? Do you get so frustrated that it leaks out of you at the worst times? Are you sarcastic or critical? If so, a soft start up is something you might want to consider. A soft start up simply means that you bring your requests, needs, desires, and concerns to others in a way that is not full of criticism and blaming, but of respectfulness and honesty. Think—calm, cool, collected.
2. Allow yourself to be influenced- If we were honest with ourselves, I think most of us would admit that we want to be right most of the time. It’s tough to recognize that we each have a lot to learn, and there are times when we develop an opinion or reach a conclusion without having the full story. To allow yourself to be influenced means to work on our tendency to be defensive in our conversations, to recognize we each have our ‘blind spots.’ This also means that there could be something we could learn from another person’s perspective on the situation—a perspective that might even have the potential to change our own. Try it sometime!
It’s my hope that these tips will be helpful to you—I’d love to hear your thoughts and efforts with them!
For more information on behavioral health issues, or to seek assistance, go to www.pinerest.org
Photo courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/yendieu/645622700/
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marandatv
I am clinical social worker with Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services. I work with individuals, couples and families at the Caledonia Clinic and I also see students at Davenport University. I graduated from Calvin College, where I now teach as an adjunct instructor, and completed my graduate work at Michigan State University (go Spartans!). As a therapist, I work with a wide range of people and issues, which I find both energizing and challenging. Being a therapist is one of my passions, but not my only. On the home front, I have been married for ten years to an amazing man and have three young energetic children. To seek balance and have some fun, I also enjoy running, having coffee with friends, reading, frequenting local restaurants, and living in my Eastown neighborhood. My blog entries will reflect my various roles, experiences, and interests.