The other day, I received a “wrong number” text message on my phone. Have any of you ever gotten one of these? This is the first time I have. This one read:

“U don’t deserve ur beautiful room.

I refuse to clean it.

No more money handed over to u unless things change this summer.”

Whoa! After a couple seconds of wondering if this was meant for me, realizing there was no way this was the case, and then feeling slightly embarrassed for the sender, I texted back “wrong number” and received an immediate “sorry.”
I am assuming that this text was sent from a parent to their teenage child. I can only imagine the conversations (or conflict) that surrounded this message.  In a way, I was let in to the realities of this relationship that are probably not otherwise shared, even in my therapy office. This was a real interaction.

This message contained blame, anger, and an ultimatum. I’m sure many of us have felt this way or have used these tactics to try and get what we need. In this situation, I’m assuming that a parent wanted not only for their child’s room to look decent, but wanted respect, wanted to be listened to, and felt taken advantage of in this relationship.

I’m going to spend the next several blog entries talking about how to identify our needs and communicate them in important relationships in a way that can reduce conflict and increase honesty and closeness—so stay tuned!
Until then, I want to challenge you to think about how you usually try to share what you think or feel or get what you want or need from another person—maybe a work colleague, or your teenager, even your spouse. Do you resort to frustration and anger while people around you run for cover? Do you store what you are feeling inside, bury it, and end up feeling lonely and misunderstood? Maybe you hope that someone close to you just “gets it” and cares for you after you mope around for a while. Whatever your current habits might be, knowing yourself is one of first steps towards making positive changes.

For more information on behavioral health issues, or to seek assistance, go to www.pinerest.org